Okay, last week I posted over at Mel’s place, Big Fat Nerve, that we should devote a week to medical horror stories. Real life ones, that is. I didn’t get to it yesterday, but will start it now. Looks like Mel started hers yesterday, so I’m late. Sorry Mel. Anyway, here’s my first entry.
Ten years ago, my wife had to get her gall bladder removed. We spent about a week and a half in the hospital. The stay was that long because they were not able to operate right away. Her system was in such turmoil that they had to wait till her body was in the right state that they could safely do the procedure. To help with getting her body calmed down, they had to run a tube through her nose to start pumping her stomach and keep it clear of bile. Once that started, it took about three days before they were able to do the surgery.
Anyway, the horror story is this: When the nurse came in to run the tube through her nose and down to her stomach, I was there and got to watch the procedure. The nurse explained what she was going to do and what my wife would experience. My wife would have to start swallowing as soon as they began running the tube in to help it go down her throat. She would feel some discomfort, but it shouldn’t last long. According to the nurse. Unfortunately for my wife, that nurse made Nurse Ratched look positively pleasant.
“Okay, I’m putting the tube in,” the nurse said, and began pushing it into my wife’s right nostril. Pushing is too mild a word, actually. Jammed it in is more precise. It didn’t go in. My wife winced, and the nurse pulled the tube back out. “Hmmm, I didn’t get the nasal passage” the nurse informed us. Then she repeated the procedure. Again, she couldn’t find the interior nasal passage, and my wife winced and groaned. The nurse tried several more times, jamming the tube up my wife’s nostril and moving it around to no avail.
She then wiped off the tube and announced that she would try the other side. The nurse inserted the tube into my wife’s left nostril and again jammed it in, but still couldn’t find the interior passageway. She tried several times on that side, jamming in the tube, moving the tube around and jamming again, for a couple of minutes, again with no success. For maybe ten minutes, the nurse kept switching back and forth from the right to the left nostril and back again, all to no avail. Finally, the nurse smiled and announced that she had it and was ready to begin going down the throat and my wife needed to start swallowing. Then she began feeding the tube in.
My wife’s face turned beet red and she began gagging and choking and wheezing and making noises I’d never heard a person make before. Mercifully, it only took a few seconds to get the tube all the way down to her stomach, but I will never forget the sounds I heard and the expressions on my wife’s face while the nurse from hell kept pushing the tube in.
Now, I know it was a very bad experience for my wife, but I have my scars as well. After watching the incident, there’s no way they could ever run a tube up through my nose like that unless I’m unconscious. I vowed that if I’m ever in the hospital and a doctor or nurse announces to me that they’re going to run a tube down to my stomach, I’m going to insist on being put under first. If they tell me no, that they’re going to do it while I’m awake, then I will simply smile at them, roll up my sleeves, and tell them that the attempt is going to hurt them far worse, and they better bring friends to help. Damn straight I’m going down fighting.
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Speaking of fighting….
In previous weeks I’d posted a number of times where I pitted two different movie monsters against each other to see who everyone thought would win in battle. This week, instead of monsters, I thought I would host the UCC (Ultimate Catfight Championship).
For the contestants, I give you:
Valeria
Versus
Guinevere
Your poor Mrs. Curtal!!! That nurse should be shot!!
I am trying desperately to think of a medical horror story, but Mel has us beat.
Oh, and Valeria, hands down.
I would have ripped the tube out and stabbed the nurse. Srsly. No way would I let them do that with me awake.
Why are these women fighting half naked? That’s just retarded.
Presumably that allows them to move around more freely and quickly. Just a guess.
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Oh daaaaannnng. Your poor wife! I’ve never had a tube run down my throat but I bet I would have made that nurse stop after a couple of tries and insisted on someone else. Or I would have thrown up on her or something.
Your wife should be commended on both her patience and self control. I have to agree with you CF, had it been me the nurse would have needed medical attention, and I would have been up on charges.
And though Gwen had the better looking sword, Val looks to be in better physical shape (more muscle mass), so had to go with her.
Oh, how awful! I have such a sensitive gag reflex that I imagine it with gagging the whole time, including when it is all in.
I voted Val because Guin is too skinny. LOL
Yeah, I have a bad gag reflex too. There’s been a couple of times when I’ve been prescribed medication and the pills were what I referred to as ‘horse pills.’ Some of the occasions when I took the pills, it was all I could do to get them down, and on more than one occasion, I was gagging so bad I had to spit the pill out and try again in a few minutes.
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